New Ship Brings Hope To $DRYS Bagholders
ATHENS, GREECE - Beleaguered shipping company DryShips ($DRYS) announced the purchase of a new Very Large Gas Carrier (VLGC) to ferry around the nervous farts of its investors who have been pummeled in recent months as the company's stock price has been utterly pulverized.
Coronation Goes Poorly
CEO of DryShips George Economou broke a bottle of Cook's Champagne on the hull of the newly acquired vessel, causing a rupture in the hull that ended with the ship taking on enough water to sink in the Harbor of Piraeus.
"This wasn't supposed to happen to the S.S. Dilution," cried Economou. "It was supposed to be a great day for us and the entire shipping industry."
Other names considered before the company decided on the S.S. Dilution included: S.S. Reverse Split, S.S. Oblivion, and S.S. Spartan Shame.
Onlookers gasped as the massive carrier listed, and after just an hour, was lost to the depths of the Mediterranean Sea.
Eyewitness Reports Paint Grim Picture
Economou "We were so excited," said Jerry Sagulatos, who was expected to captain the mighty ship for DryShips, "and then it was all over, just like that."
Anna Tsklatios, Media Relations Director for DryShips was stunned.
"[Economou] hit it with the bottle and it instantly went down," Tsklatios said, wiping tears from her eyes. "I never swaw anything like it."
Hell Have No Fury Like A Stocktwits Bear