Shark Tank: It's Never Been Less Safe To Go Back In The Water
LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA - Fans of the hit show Shark Tank will soon have another shark joining the pond. TrendSmasher reports that executives at CNBC have decided to add a new cast member to increase dramatic tension and offer more competition, which they believe will benefit the entrepreneurs that appear on the show.
Stay In The Tank
"I wasn't sure of what to think at first," said billionaire Mark Cuban. "It was kind of intimidating when they brought him in. He was staring menacingly at me with coal-black eyes."
Barbara Corcoran built her real estate empire starting off with $1,000 and refusal to quit.
"I have a relentless determination," said Corcoran. "A lot of the people that come on the show have that same attitude. That ability and willpower to say 'I'm never giving up' and sticking with it. When I met the new guy I instantly knew we were in over our heads."
"You're Gonna Need A Bigger Set"
According to Martin Brody, the manager of the Los Angeles set, CNBC's brass selected and transported Giuseppe the Great White Shark in total secrecy.
"We weren't told a damn thing," said Brody. "Nobody knew and all of a sudden there was a freaking great white on set. Damn that sucker is big! They wheeled him in on this felt-covered platform. It looked like the bottom of the tank was lined with gold teeth. And he just looked at you with those dead eyes. Creepiest damn thing I've ever seen in my life."
Shark Tank: Only One Segment
Unfortunately, the experiment only lasted one episode as the first company to seek a mega-deal with the sharks was American Chumbuddies, a chum delivery company based out of Miami, Florida that sends fresh chum via drone to fishing boats.
"It happened so quick," said Daymond John CEO of FUBU. "One minute Giuseppe was swimming around and the next . . . I just can't talk about it."
"I can," said Queen of QVC Lori Greiner. "That stupid shark smelled the chum and went nuts. He cracked through the glass and came right towards us. It was about to get me when Kevin O'Leary pushed me out of the way and sacrificed himself to save me. He really is Mr. Wonderful."
Eyewitnesses report that the shark swallowed O'Leary whole and appeared to smile heartily after eating the popular shark.