Disney (DIS) and Amazon (AMZN): Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction
SEATTLE, WASHINGTON - Technophiles everywhere rejoiced as Amazon (AMZN) received a patent for a flying warehouse capable of deploying drones to deliver goods to consumers. The e-commerce and cloud computing giant called on Disney (DIS) to make this job-killing breakthrough a possibility.
"We're great at making small things," said Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos, hinting at the Kindle, Echo, and other consumer products. "This is going to be a real test of our capabilities. We could probably go at it alone, but Disney is great at making really, really big things and that has made this partnership a no-brainer."
Disney CEO Bob Iger was also pleased with the deal.
"Amazon is one heck of a company," Iger mused, "but our ability to scale massive real-world things outside of the cloud will push this project along at a lightning-quick pace."
The Sound And The Nick Fury
Disney insiders told TrendSmasher that even though the deal has not been finalized, it's definitely a go and that both parties are fully invested in making the flying warehouse a sky-bound reality.
Alan F. Horn, Chairman of The Walt Disney Studios, stressed the importance of making a giant marketing splash by using the massively popular Avengers franchise in the effort.
"We're going to have Samuel Jackson as Nick Fury as the spokesperson for the S.H.I.E.L.D. HelliCarrier-like vehcile," said Horn. "We haven't spoken to him about doing it yet, but since he's in just about everything, we're sure he'll be happy to be part of such an amazing development."
Disney-ing (DIS) Heights
According to early reports on the design of Amazon's flying warehouse, a blimp-like vehicle will be used to deploy consumer goods that will reach the consumers in minutes. However, Amazon insists that with Disney's partnership, something that resembles the S.H.I.E.L.D HelliCarrier will be the final product.
Dr. Bruce Banner of Big Green Designs, a Disney subsidiary, scoffed at claims that the plans for the flying warehouse are 'looney tunes'.
"'Looney Tunes is a Warner Bros. property," said Banner. "That studio is having enough trouble producing a movie that anyone likes. We do have the technological ability to make this happen. The massive vehicles will hover at between 45,0000 and 55,000 feet above the Earth's surface and will also have the ability to operate submerged under water."
The Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) was not as bullish on the flying warehouse as fans of Disney's comic book movies and Amazon's customers.
"I don't think it's going to happen," said Bruce Wayne, head of the FAA's Safety Review Board. "Can you imagine the havoc this thing would cause over the skies of Gotham . . . er . . . New York?"
"In this business I've learned to never say never," said Oliver Queen, lead crash investigator for the FAA. "But I'm going to give this one a resounding never."
Amazon Announces First Warehouse Pilot To Widespread Approval
Wendell P. Weeks, one of the Directors at Amazon tried to stem some of the criticism from government regulators.
"We're pleased to announce that we've signed Sully Sullenberger out of retirement to pilot the first warehouse," said Weeks. "As our remote piloting technology improves, we plan to wire an entire fleet of flying warehouses directly into Sully's brain, enabling him to control all of them simultaneously."
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The Valley Report