Tales From The Cryptocurrency: Banks & Financial Powers Unite!
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK - Too big to fail banks and financial institutions are teaming up to battle the emergence of cryptocurrencies and a decentralized banking system. The rise of Bitcoin ($BTC.X), Litecoin ($LTC.X). Ethereum ($ETH.X) has initiated a battle that will not be fought through the power of lobbying politicians and drafting legislation through partisan think tanks, but on the silver screen.
BAC, JPM, GS and others: Temporarily Stop Pillaging Consumers To Focus On Common Enemy
After a clandestine meeting in a gilded Manhattan penthouse, TrendSmasher reports that some of the world's most powerful banking and financial companies are banding together to fight against the proliferation of cryptocurrencies.
"This is a do or die moment," an anonymous executive at Citibank. "We're not going to sit around and watch our rigged game get threatened. We're going to fight back and we're going to fight back hard!"
TrendSmasher learned that in addition to Bank of America (BAC), JP Morgan Chase (JPM) and Goldman Sachs (GS), operatives for Citigroup (C), Wells Fargo (WFC), American Express (AXP) and HSBC Bank (HSBC) were also involved in the top-secret gathering.
"We're all competitors," said a Wells Fargo executive. "But there's a time where you put aside differences about how many regular people you can crush, and go after a bigger threat. We can always crush more Main Streeters after we get rid of this crypto-nonsense."
Tales From The Cryptocurrency: Anthology Film Starts Big Media Skirmish
Netflix (NFLX) and 20th Century Fox (FOXA) have all put in bids for the film, understanding what is at stake, while Disney (DIS) waits on the sideline to see if a children's version will be necessary to keep cryptocurrencies from becoming a generational issue.
"Everything is connected," said an accounting executive for Netflix. "The center must hold."
"We're going to do what we have to do," said a Disney executive. "If that means making the best damn rootin'-tootin' movie about the evils of cryptocurrencies for kids, we'll do it! Sometimes a little inter-generational social engineering is necessary!"
Tales From The Cryptocurrency: Cock-Blockchained!
(BTC)Cryptocurrency Advocates Mount Defense
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The Valley Report