Charting Like He's Never Charted Before
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK - Internet stock chartist ClayTrader is set to be inducted into the Guinness Book of World Records for charting 3,650 30-minute charts in just under four hours.
"I'm exhausted and my eyes hurt," ClayTrader said wearily while walking away from his multiple-monitor trade station. "I'm seeing green and red spots everywhere. I don't even know if I'm bullish or bearish at this point!"
The record began with a swift dispatching of the Dow in mere seconds. ClayTrader then did the unthinkable and headed for the OTC market, charting all the companies in just under an hour. In a really bold move, ClayTrader took a break at the 10:30 dip.
"After a while I couldn't think straight. It was too much," admitted ClayTrader. "But there were people counting on me and even though this record had never been attempted before, I felt the need to put it out of reach. Oh, and I want to give a shout-out to ClayTrader University!"
Several officials from Guinness were on hand to witness the new world record and were proud to present ClayTrader with an official certificate and discounts on LASIK surgery.
"We are proud to honor ClayTrader for his incredible achievement," stated Arthur P. Wellington, Executive Director of Guinness' Winner Relations Board. "The endurance and drive to chart that many companies in such a short amount of time, while publishing a video for each of them . . . It's utterly amazing."
Officials from the NYSE were reportedly interested in hooking ClayTrader up to their servers in order to increase computing output, but ClayTrader politely denied the offer.