Tom Brady's Poor First Half Super Bowl Performance The Result Of Possession?
HOUSTON, TEXAS - With Super Bowl LI in the books after a thrilling historic comeback by the New England Patriots behind QB Tom Brady, Roger Goodell is opening an investigation into supernatural tampering on the part of the Atlanta Falcons.
Tom Brady: "It was like some dark force was inside me."
Tom Brady played like garbage for the entire first half of Super Bowl LI and the cause of the star QB's poor play was identified while Lady Gaga performed her medley halftime show.
"We knew something was wrong," said Patriots Head Coach Bill Belichick. "He wasn't making the proper reads and his throws were off. When we got to the locker room, he would only respond to 'Brock'."
It was at this moment that the coaching staff for the New England Patriots figured out that Tom Brady had been possessed by the dark spirit of Brock Osweiler. Osweiler plays poorly for the Houston Texans at NRG Stadium, site of Super Bowl LI.
"All of a sudden it made sense," said Patriots Offensive Coordinator Josh McDaniels. "We immediately called in an expert to get Osweiler's spirit out of him. We had to act fast!"
Super Bowl LI: Historic Comeback & Supernatural Forces
"I don't remember much about it," said Brady. "It was like I was out of my body and someone else had control of me. Then the old lady from Poltergeist came in and all of a sudden the fog vanished. I was back! I didn't think we had enough time, but somehow we did it. It was definitely divine intervention."
Once the curse was broken, Brady led the Patriots from certain defeat to the greatest comeback in Super Bowl history, as the Patriots defeated the Falcons 34-28 in overtime.
Spirit Expert The Real MVP
"There was a very dark spirit inside him," said Tangina. "I led Tom Brady out of the light and back to our plane. When he was back, I told the team that 'This locker room is clean'."
Roger Goodell Vows To Get To The Bottom Of The Situation
Roger Goodell, Commissioner of the NFL was serious after the classic game, but vowed to get to the bottom of the 'supernatural tampering'.
"This goes beyond deflated footballs and taped walk-throughs," said Goodell. "We don't have proof of it yet, but we've been told that the Atlanta Falcons brought in a voodoo priestess named Mama Mazzoula to put Osweiler's life-force inside Tom Brady. This could result in the forfeiture of draft picks and public executions, if necessary."
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The Valley Report