All Is Chill Aboard The Mary Jane 1
IRVING, TEXAS - With stock prices in the oil sector quickly becoming part of the fossil record, Exxon's ($XOM) innovative approach to energy has resulted in the mega-company striking it rich with 'Green Gold'.
Cannabis Oil Opens Up A New Frontier In Energy Sector
Exxon announced a massive cannabis oil find in the Gulf of Mexico that they believe will make the company billions in the coming years as well as redefine the energy giant as a green company - in more ways than one.
"This is an exciting new opportunity," said Exxon CEO Rex W. Tillerson. "It's time for shale and crude oil to step aside and make way for cannabis oil to take center stage."
Energy analysts are scrambling to forecast the explosive growth of the 'Green Rush'.
"This is new territory," said Davis Munch, analyst for Simmons & Company. "Drilling for cannabis oil might be just the thing to save the energy sector. Our initial projections are in the tens of billions of added revenue, but it might go even higher. Get it, 'higher'!"
Energy Producers Scramble For Market Share
Some of the other big players in energy have followed Exxon's lead and are mobilizing their own efforts to harness the power of 'Green Gold'. BP ($BP), Chevron ($CVX) and Hess ($HES) are first in line.
"I give them credit for being the first to do it," said CEO of BP Bob Dudley. "We're almost done developing our new rig - the Deepwater High-Risin'."
"We're bullish on cannabis oil for sure," said John Watson, CEO of Chevron. "But we're worried that using cannabis oil in cars might make them unmotivated and lazy. It's possible that after a while, cars might need more and more gallons of cannabis oil to drive the same distance."
John B. Hess, CEO of Hess, was excited about the new development. "This is great," said Hess. "Our logo is already green so we're not going to have any difficulty with the transition over to cannabis oil. We're going to give a whole new meaning to 'Stop At The Green'."
Mechanics Against Cannabis Oil (MACO)
While the discovery of vast deposits of cannabis oil has somewhat united energy producers and environmentalists, an unlikely opponent to the massive potential source of energy has emerged.
"Think about the cars and trucks," said Clay Stoner, President of Mechanics Against Cannabis Oil. "We're worried that 0-60 times will go down and starters won't work as well anymore. There's also the issue of battery damage and the effect on sophisticated electronic devices."
TrendSmasher reports that the group is organizing a protest on behalf of internal combustion engines everywhere.