There Is No Code . . .
WASHINGTON, D.C. - The Securities and Exchange Commission (SEC) is planning to completely scrap its ethics code, seizing on the momentum that House Republicans built by their attempt to effectively gut the Office of Congressional Ethics. The independent entity created after the Jack Abramoff bribery scandal which sent several congressmen to prison was formed to improve transparency and hold elected officials accountable for their nefarious deeds. Public outrage and even a tweet from President-elect Donald Trump forced the GOP to almost immediately scrap their highly unpopular effort.
It's Plunderin' Time
"This is going to be great for us. Now we will make boatloads of money 100% of the time while regular investors and traders get the shaft! We're also not going to back down like a bunch of spineless jellyfish!" said one high-ranking SEC official, who spoke on condition of anonymity.
"This is insane for run-of-the-mill investors," said Jim Cramer of CNBC's Mad Money as he used devices to make a bunch of cartoon-like noises. "But it's not so bad if you have a lot of friends at the SEC!"
The SEC Ethics Code was put into place to prevent conflicts of interest, a term that has dogged President-elect Donald Trump since his big win in November. While many are worried about conflicts of interest as it relates to the POTUS, there is even more concern over the destruction of SEC rules that could lead to a Wild West mentality at the watchdog agency and rampant instability in the financial markets.
Rogue SEC One
"I don't know what these people are thinking," said legendary investor Warren Buffett. "The idea that these people can invest in stocks where they know what is going to happen without a doubt is going to create a lot of problems."
Buffett went on to explain that one way SEC insiders could choose make gobs of easy money would be to short a company and then announce a massive audit, which would drive the price down as panicked investors rushed to flee a potentially sinking ship.
"There is a lot of potential for malfeasance," said Joe Kernan, host of Squawk Box. "But you know what they say, 'One man's malfeasance is another man's treasure trove'".
Investors were spooked at the news and took to social media to voice their displeasure.
"It's already a bunch of rigged crap and now it's going to be even more rigged!" tweeted ChickenStock2000.
"The wolves are watching the hen house and their fangs have been sharpened," Jamie Conway posted on Facebook.
"I'm quitting my job managing a hedge fund and I'm applying for a position at the SEC," wrote InvestedandIngested on Stocktwits.