The Flush Heard 'Round The World
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK - The fallout from Donald Trump's bathroom break during last month’s Primary Presidential Debate continues to swirl down the drain as the front-runner for the next Executive-In-Chief sent out a late tweet criticizing the facilities at Saint Anselm College.
Put Down The Tweet Seat
In the shocking tweet, Clinton called the pipes at the CENTER “inadequate” and “overpriced”. The former Secretary of State also labeled Big Plumbing as “wasteful” and “greedy”.
“She shouldn’t have sent that tweet out,” said Irene D. Cake, a political analyst for CNN. “Doesn’t she know that Americans love to complain about everything? Why give them the ammunition?”
The Beltway was ablaze with controversy as the tweet took center stage on a four-hour impromptu special on Fox News entitled: Roto Root Her Out.
Flush Baby Flush!
“Again we see why she isn’t fit for the top job,” said Bill O’Flushily. “This is another example of why we need someone with more reliable bowels in the White House, like Chris Christie.”
As with Mr. O’Flushily, Sean Flatulity was none too pleased. “First it was Big Pharma and now it’s Big Plumbing. What’s next? Her tweet is an affront to God who created all our bowels equally and with great discretion. I’m disgusted. Oh, and Benghazi!”
Not to be outdone by Fox News, MSNBC felt the need to respond in kind and immediately cut out a 4-hour time-block of their own and put Rachel Manure into the crossfire of this explosive issue.
“This is definitely a war on women,” said Manure. “Women have to go potty too. I don’t see why it is such a big deal that Hillary had to drop a deuce in the middle of a debate. I’m sure that at least one of the candidates on the other side wears depends to avoid such a situation.”
MSNBC's Chris Matthews replied that the whole incident sent "a thrill up my leg."
Nate Silver, one of the world’s most accurate pollsters, conduced a survey on the public’s reaction to the controversy. “According to my research there is a 93% chance that diarrhea was the culprit, probably from the fish served before the debate. Never eat the fish.”
Plumbing Industry Reaction
Industry insiders were all backed up about ‘The Tweet’ and watched in helpless agony as share prices tumbled across the entire sector.
"Investors panicked and there was a big sell-off," said Kevin J. Pipefitter, CEO of Chemed (CHE), which owns the popular plumbing service Roto-Rooter. "That stupid tweet cost the industry billions."
Donald Trump shared his thoughts on the tweet and the GOP front-runner didn't hold back:
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The Valley Report