Marijuana Stock Traders Forgot Market Is Closed For MLK Day, Spend Hours Trying To Get Into Exchange
Marijuana Stocks Sizzling
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK - As the nation celebrated Martin Luther King Jr. Day, many institutions were closed for business - and that included the financial markets in the United States. Martin Luther King Jr. Day is set aside to celebrate one of the greatest civil rights activists the world has ever known. However, roughly four dozen traders looking to score more than nickles and dimes in the white-hot marijuana sector simply forgot.
Helpless Feeling Outside NYSE
Over the past several months marijuana stocks have been blitzing the market. Companies like GW Pharmaeuticals ($GWPH), Insys Therapeutics ($INSY), Mountain High Acquisitions ($MYHI), and CannaSys ($MJTK) have made impressive gains and new 'Marijuana Millionaires' are being minted on a daily basis. Experts report that the consistent winnings have turned marijuana investors a bit foggy.
"We're calling it Marijuana Investment Specific Syndrome or MISS," said Dr. Evelyn Hashmire, senior fellow at the Marijuana Research Institute in Boulder, Colorado. "It appears that marijuana investors get so giddy from obscene gobs of profit that it clouds them up with a haze that takes over a month of abstinence from trading to go away."
Gary Toke, a researcher out of NYU was on hand to observe the phenomenon.
"I thought it was pretty interesting," Toke said. "They kind of muddled around like zombies. For a moment I thought the Occupy Wall Street movement was getting up and running again, but it seems that I was wrong. After trying the same doors dozens of times they kinda drifted off and got stuff to eat at local restaurants.
"I was totally stoked to do some tradin' today," said Bodhi Bash, head of Goldman Sachs' Weed Division. "The stocks are like going up and I'm taggin' it bro. I banked hard on $MJTK and then I pumped in a few options on $GWPH. I was gonna get some $MJNA but the freaking market was closed. Damn, I got out of bed for nothing."
Local Businesses Rejoice
Local restaurants were pleased with the increased business. Pamela Green, owner of The EMA Cafe was pleased.
"Usually we don't get much business when the market is closed," said Green. "I was going to take the day off, but I remembered that the marijuana sector was hot. On Monday we had people eating two and three meals!"
"It was pretty gnarly," said Bud Rollings, owner and operator of the Rolling Kitchen food truck. "I was in the right place at the right time, and I sold a ton of sandwiches, chips and sodas. I made bank. Some guy told me to dump a few thousand into something called $INSY and I'm going to do it first thing Tuesday morning!"
Police On The Scene
According to Lieutenant Bill Pottery of the New York Police Department (NYPD), the group showed up at 7am to get an early start after what appeared to be a long night.
"They were kind of disoriented," said Pottery. "Their eyes looked a bit foggy, if you know what I mean. They weren't causing any problems, that's for sure."
* Dilution Monster Attack Reported At $HMNY HQ
* Yankees Bold Plan For 'Lazy' Gary Sanchez
* Russian Companies Bid On U.S. Cybersecurity Contracts
* Trump Tweet Leads To Tension With Iran; Media Panics
* Halloween Horror Nights To Add Putin-Inspired 'Haunted House'
* NFLX & DIS Spar For Tim Burton's Child's Play Reboot
* Papa John's Founder Leaves Franchise For NFL Post
* President Trump Announces 'Tariff Force Supreme'
The Valley Report