Satya Nadella Confident In Steve Harvey
REDMOND, WASHINGTON - Microsoft Corporation (MSFT) has stunned the technology world by poaching comedian Steve Harvey from Hollywood.
The technology reassured investors with the move as Harvey got it right this year after bungling the crowning moment for the Miss Universe pageant last year.
In his new post, Harvey will be directly responsible for making sure the little red and green lines in Microsoft Word and all across the widely-used Windows platform are running up to speed.
"We're confident in Steve," said Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella. "We know he's going to bring an entirely new level of professionalism to our brand. After all, he got it right and he's going to continue to get it right."
Investor relations at Microsoft indicated that a ceremony to celebrate the new hire will be announced shortly and that talks are in the works with Pearl Jam front-man Eddie Vedder to perform a parody of the group's 1994 hit Betterman.
"We've been conservative for a long time," said Marcus Spellcheck, head of Microsoft's Investor Relations division. "This time we're going to go all out. It's rare to be able to bring someone aboard with the reputation and popularity of Steve Harvey. Pearl Jam is most likely going to perform Errorman at the ceremony, which is a new take on Betterman."
The move, however, seemed to leave many investors scratching their heads.
"Seriously?" asked Dan Brundlefly, a long-term investor in Microsoft. "They're going to put that guy in charge of such an important part of the company? Why not put the Affluenza kid in charge of Community Outreach or Sylvester Stallone in charge of voice-to-text technology?"
Tara Danforth has held Microsoft stock for only a couple of years and she had a pretty strong reaction to the news. "What the %$&& are those mother %&#&#@* thinking?"
TrendSmasher caught up with Steve Harvey after the latest episode of Family Feud wrapped.
"I'm honored that Microsoft acknowledged what I could bring to the table," said Harvey. "The odds are ridiculously slim that I'll ever make a bigger mistake again, so I'm a safe bet. I'm a HUGE fan of Microsoft and I love their Airbooks, iPods and iPhones so this is a match made in heaven!"
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The Valley Report