Portfolio . . . Portfolio . . . Wherefore Art Thou Portfolio?
MIAMI, FLORIDA - Trading is often a solitary activity but even the most savvy traders need companionship and an online-dating solution is now available. In celebration of Valentine's Day, shortslovelongs.com has launched to wide acclaim.
Interest In Online Dating Surges
"The reception has been incredible," said Eric E. Harmony, CEO of shortslovelongs.com. "So incredible that our site crashed just a few hours after we went live. As you know, online dating is incredibly popular and we have targeted an under-served market"
Shortslovelongs.com uses a proprietary algorithm that matches traders based on their answers to an exhaustive questionnaire. Through market research the company has found that, surprisingly, opposites tend to attract in the trading world.
"With all the vitriol shorts and longs blast at each other on popular investment sites like Stocktwits.com, you'd think they'd go together like oil and water," said Franny D. Match, lead programmer of the new dating sensation for traders. "It turns out that Paula Abdul was right."
Feedback from customers has been more than bullish, even though the online dating site had only been active for a short time.
"I wasn't expecting much," said Sam Bearly, a notorious short-seller of energy stocks. "The questionnaire took about fifteen minutes and once I finished, I received four matches. I went on a date later that day with a great lady and we completed a merger - if you know what I mean - before midnight."
Samantha Bullworthy logged on after the site flitted through her Twitter feed. "It was magic. I'm more of a fundamental investor, but when I met Ralph I was instantly attracted to his sheer ruthlessness."
Shortslovelongs.com is working on technical issues and expects the site to be ready to handle the huge volume of traffic for the new player in the online dating world within a few days.
"No longer do traders have to go to swanky clubs or chic restaurants to meet other traders," said Harmony. "We've created the ultimate romance solution for every trader."