Donald Trump To Launch His Own News Network
Make Partisan Journalism Great Again!
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK - Donald Trump got into a Twitter fight with News Corporation ($NWS) and Fox News over Megyn Kelly and fair debate practices and the fallout is looking highly radioactive. Trump, the GOP Presidential front-runner decided to pull-out of the upcoming debate after a controversial statement from a Fox News spokesperson was released, and focused his billions of dollars on establishing a competing news network.
"We learned from a secret back channel that the Ayatollah and Putin both intend to treat Donald Trump unfairly when they meet with him if he becomes president — a nefarious source tells us that Trump has his own secret plan to replace the Cabinet with his Twitter followers to see if he should even go to those meetings." - Fox News Spokesperson Roger Ailes, What Is Ailing You?
Roger Ailes, Chairman and CEO of Fox News, was shaken by the news that Trump refused to participate in the debate scheduled for January 28. Throughout the primary season, Trump has been a ratings boon for television ratings and it is possible that his absence will result in the loss of millions and millions of dollars in advertising revenue for Fox News.
"What are we going to do?" asked Ailes. "Instead of 20-30 million viewers, we might only have one or two million people watching a whole bunch of candidates nobody is interested in. If he's not there I don't think I'm going to watch either." Megyn Kelly, one of the top personalities on Fox News, was not shaken by the Trump withdrawal. "I don't think there's anything to worry about," said Kelly. "I've been tough on Donald Trump, sure, but as they say, 'If you can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen!'" Almost immediately, some of Trump's most fervent and deranged supporters went on a Twitter-rampage, demanding that Kelly get back into the kitchen where she belongs. Both Fox News and the Trump campaign denounced the comments. Trump News Television (TNT)
Greg Foster, a spokesperson for the Trump campaign, discussed Trump's plans for the newly formed network.
"Enough is enough," said Foster. "We're going to make partisan news great again. It's going to be all Trump all the time. You can take that to the bank." TrendSmasher reports that Trump News Television has already secured a base of operations in New York City and will produce its first broadcast just as the next GOP debate starts. In addition to a lengthy appearance by Donald Trump, the USA Freedom Kids will perform their new hit single News Oddity, which borrows heavily from one of the late David Bowie's most acclaimed song.
"It's going to be the best news network ever," said Donald Trump. "I'm going to get the best reporters, the best graphics, and the best everything. This is going to be HUGE. We're going to run Fox News into the ground, but let's be honest, they've been doing a great job with that on their own. Since they employ children, let them run the world's worst day care center."
Ted Cruz Steps Up
Senator Ted Cruz, currently trailing Trump by a wide margin in the GOP primary, demanded attention be focused on him.
"Please care about me," yelled Cruz, but nobody was present to stroke his ego. |
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