Petrol-Aesthetics Gaining Acceptance
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK - With oil prices plunging below $27 per barrel, many of the world's largest oil producers are looking to expand into new markets, helping to alleviate the glut of black gold.
Exxon, BP, and Chevron . . . Oh My!
Exxon ($XOM), BP ($BP), and Chevron ($CVX) among other oil giants, have been aggressively exploring new uses for excess product and may have found several unlikely partners, TrendSmasher reports.
"The new buzzword is 'Oil Aesthetics'," said Exxon CEO Rex W. Tillerson. "With demand sharply down, we're looking for other avenues to increase shareholder value."
The novel strategy involves integrating oil in fountains, at theme parks, and in professional stadiums, among other locales.
"We see this as a huge opportunity," said Bob Dudley, CEO of BP. "For too long has oil solely been used for powering our world economy. Making plastics and consumer products, energy, and of course, fuel are important, yes, but now we have an opportunity to bridge the aesthetic divide."
'Oil' New Customers
Jerry Jones, President and General Manager of the Dallas Cowboys and no stranger to the wonders of sweet crude approved an oil-filled moat around AT&T ($T) Stadium, the gargantuan monstrosity located in Arlington, Texas.
"I'm excited about it," said Jones. "When Tony Romo is done playing football we're going to toss his useless bones into the moat around AT&T Stadium and in a few million years he'll be part of it."
Other early adopters are thrilled with their investment.
"We were skeptical at first, and obviously so," said Kumi Naidoo, International Executive Director of Greenpeace. "But now that the dolphin statues in the fountain of our headquarters are spitting out wondrous streams of oil, we look at it as a statement about the environment."
The seemingly Star Wars named Naidoo hoped that others would follow and that their actions would cause less of the oil to be burned, therefore reducing the production of harmful greenhouse gasses.
Goldman Sachs ($GS) wasn't looking to make an anti-statement, but the banking giant seemed pleased with the oil in their fountain.
"I wasn't expecting much," said Goldman Sachs CEO Lloyd Blankfein, standing in front of the oil-ridden fountain. "But that first morning I walked past it outside our Manhattan building I could smell the capitalism. That jelly Matt Taibbi can't talk about his Vampire Squid anymore because not even a Vampire Squid can survive in all that oil."
Orlando To Become 'Oil-Lando'
With some of the world's biggest players on board, Disney ($DIS) and NBCUniversal, owned by Comcast ($CMCSA), weren't going to be left out in the cold. Both theme parks in the middle of exciting expansions, drilled-down deep to bring oil into the fold.
Disney announced that the water-filled park Typhoon Lagoon would be completely overhauled with sweet crude for youngsters to splash around in on hot summer days.
"With oil so cheap we decided to make the switch," said Disney CEO Bob Iger. "The lazy river now has a real nice smooth texture."
Executives at Disney have also discussed new ideas for movie franchises, as well as including crude into existing hit properties.
"Iron Man looks silly with that glowing clean-energy thing in his chest, powering his awesome suit," said Iger. "Think about one of the world's greatest heroes lugging around barrels of oil. The merchandising opportunities are endless."
Universal, not willing to be outdone, reimagined its popular Harry Potter attractions around oil and oil products.
"Kids and adults of all ages are just going to go wild over it," said Ronald Meyer, Chairman and COO of Universal Studios. "Harry Potter and the Dinosaur's Bones, Harry Potter and the Tanker of Burning Fuel, Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Oil Stocks, Harry Potter and the Sweet-Crude Executive. The possibilities are endless."
Meyer even hinted at a new adventure ride that will revolutionize the theme park industry.
"We're going to call it Deepwater Horizon Adventure Crisis," said Meyer enthusiastically. "I don't want to give too much away, but imagine being trapped in a burning oil rig with just moments to escape. The pyrotechnics will be impressive."