FOREX Currency Trading Will Never Be The Same
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK - Rabbi Mordecai Snipperstein was arrested yesterday after he went on a rampage with scissors at Choice FOREX, according to eyewitnesses reports.
The offices at Choice FOREX (Foreign Exchange) were evacuated after reports of an elderly Rabbi armed with a pair of scissors ran amok in Lower Manhattan.
"He came out of nowhere," said Ted Farrington, Public Relations Director for Choice FOREX. "He started screaming 'bris' over and over again and actually went for my genitals. Fortunately, he wasn't very strong and we were able to subdue him quite easily."
"I tried to calm him down," said longtime FOREX trader David Goldberg, who told TrendSmasher that Snipperstein tutored him for his Bar Mitzvah thirty years prior. "It took me a second, but I recognized him. He was clearly not in a good state of mind. The Rabbi Snipperstein I remember was a kind man dedicated to the good of his community."
Just A Simple Misunderstanding
Ari Gold, Snipperstein's lawyer stated that his client's actions were all brought on by a simple misunderstanding.
"My client is a pillar of the community." said Gold, "It appears that he was heading to conduct a bris and misinterpreted the 'FOREX' sign for 'foreskin'. It was an honest mistake that anyone could have made. I can assure the general public that Rabbi Snipperstein did not intend to cause any harm to anyone at Choice FOREX. Nobody was hurt and we're seeking charges to be dismissed immediately."
Control + X . . . Down There!
The bris or circumcision, is the ancient practice of removing the foreskin of newborns in order to give them nicer looking genitals. However, the official reason given is to decrease infections and other problems linked to retaining the foreskin through adulthood.
"There are pros and cons to circumcision," said Dr. Manuel Alvarez, Profession of Circumcision Studies at NYU. "We don't universally recommend it, but if you foresee your baby boy involved in the porn industry when he's at least 18-years old, you should definitely consider it."
The firestorm around Snipperstein's actions rekindled the push by Intact America, an organization that seeks to abolish all circumcisions.
"The circumcision may be discussed in the Old Testament, but that kind of cruelty cannot be tolerated in modern society," said Argyle Foreman, President of Intact America. "Just because our members weren't circumcised and we've had to deal with smegma all our lives means that everyone should. We're just mad that other men may have better looking penises than we do and we're not going to take it standing up . . . or sitting down."