Trump Tweet Fallout: Iran Vows To Stop Exporting Islamophobia; Shares Of Mainstream Media Companies Fall
CNN ($T), Fox News ($FOXA) & MSNBC ($CMCSA): Trump Talks Tough On Iran
NEW YORK CITY, NEW YORK - After President Trump's latest tirade on Iran, the country halted all exports of Islamophobia, sending mainstream media giants scrambling for content and sending their stock prices drifting downward.
CNN ($T), Fox News ($FOXA) & MSNBC ($CMCSA): Twitter Buzzing
With his CAPS LOCK tweet that put Iran on notice, President Trump appeared to show his legendary toughness, which was mysteriously absent during the Helsinki summit with Russian President Vladimir Putin.
The surprise response by Iranian President Hassan Rouhani created a instant firestorm in mainstream media outlets as well as political blogs that survive on rage-inducing click-bait.
"THAT IS THE FINAL STRAW. WE WILL NOW STOP EXPORTING ISLAMOPHOBIA. FOR ONCE YOU AMERICANS WILL HAVE TO ACTUALLY DISCUSS IMPORTANT ISSUES RELEVANT TO YOUR COUNTRY LIKE WHO KIM KARDASHIAN WILL END UP WITH AFTER KANYE AND THE PRICE OF SOYBEANS IN IOWA!" the statement by Rouhani read.
CNN ($T), FOX NEWS ($FOXA) & MSNBC ($CMCSA): Media Confusion Syndrome (MCS)
"What the hell are we going to do?" said resident Fox News gasbag Sean Hannity. "Our audience counts on being angry about Muslims. You always have to give your audience an enemy. When they're scared, they'll believe anything!"
"This kind of sucks," said resident MSNBC airbag Rachel Maddow. "Now that Fox and a thousand dinky patriot-themed blogs can't ratchet up the Muslim fear, what am I going to do? My audience is dependent on being outraged about the stuff they do on the right. When they're mad, they'll keep watching."
"We can keep reporting like we always do," said resident CNN talking-head Wolf Blitzer. "But our ratings suck. Internal numbers indicate we need to start indiscriminately throwing out red meat and fewer people will call us 'fake news'."
CNN ($T), FOX NEWS ($FOXA) & MSNBC ($CMCSA): DNI Head Dan Coats Reacts
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The Valley Report