Internet Viral Sensation Provides Marketing Boon For Uber
MIAMI, FLORIDA - Residents of South Florida have been extremely thankful for rideshare services such as Uber and Lyft, and were shocked to see the video of Dr. Anjali Ramkissoon attacking an Uber driver several days ago.
Uber Miami Goes Bonkers After Video
In less than a week since the infamous incident, Uber's profits in South Florida have skyrocketed 700%.
"We can't explain it," said Uber CEO Travis Kalanick of the rapid increase in requested rides. "It's just one of those things. We're proud to have Anjali as an unofficial brand ambassador."
However, things have taken a turn for the surprising as Uber's competition is stepping up their game.
"Out plan is to get her to officially defect," said Logan Green, CEO of Lyft. "The fight for rideshare supremacy is a fierce battle, and we're going to fire the first salvo by offering Dr. Anjali Ramkissoon an official promotional position with our company. If she accepts, we'd like her to travel from city to city, verbally berating and physically assaulting Lyft drivers. If she can do this with all the gusto as she did in Miami, we'll overtake Uber in no time flat!"
Lyft vs. Uber: Customers Torn
Uber is expected to make a substantial counteroffer for Dr. Anjali Ramkissoon's services, but loyal customers of both brands are torn of which way they'll go.
"I'm never leaving Uber," said Danielle Groinkicker of Miami. "Unless Lyft signs Dr. Ramkissoon, that is. She's a fireplug - a real go-getter!"
"I love Lyft," Grayson Papertoss said, waiting for his requested mustached ride to arrive. "I've never been fond of Uber. It sounds too German for me. If Lyft signs Dr. Anjali Ramkissoon, it'll be cool, I guess. It won't change the fact that I'm staying with Lyft forever."
With both companies locked in a bloody war over market share, there is a new competitor on the horizon that may put these rival upstarts out of business: U-Ryft.
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The Valley Report