I'd Like To Buy The World A Coke
OMAHA, NEBRASKA - Shares of Berkshire Hathaway ($BRK.A) & (&BRK.B) continued to soar with the news that Warren Buffett, the Oracle of Omaha, announced an eccentric new plan involving his love for Coca-Cola ($KO).
The Magma Agenda
Warren Buffet's love of Coca-Cola is well established and the famed investor has announced a radical effort to 'Buy The World A Coke' inspired by a Stephen King short story entitled The End of the Whole Mess.
"Some people think what I'm doing is dangerous," said Buffett. "I'm certain that the world will be a better place for it because everyone loves a good syrupy treat!"
George Diabs II, Media Relations Director for Coca-Cola, was supportive of the endeavor but denied the soft-drink giant's involvement. "Warren Buffet has always been a great ambassador for our brand, but what he is trying to do might be risky."
Stephen King And Warren Buffett: Volcanic Mechanics
In The End of the Whole Mess, by Stephen King, an enterprising genius attempts to save humanity by dropping peace-creating water from Waco, Texas into a massive volcano which is about to erupt. The idea is that whatever is in Waco's drinking water will be spread across the world, leading to peace around the world.
However, the results appear to be catastrophic as Waco's drinking water ushers on advanced senility for everyone on the planet.
"That's not going to happen in this case," said Buffett. "We've done our research. What could be more enjoyable than Coca-Cola raining down all over the world?"
Members of the scientific community were not optimistic about the efforts of the billionaire.
"This will be an utter disaster," said Dr. Mark Stevia, Head of the Fowler Atmospheric Research Institute. "Clearly, Mr. Buffett has not considered what soda will do to our water supply and plant-life."
Even legendary writer, Stephen King, was none too pleased with the idea. "Trying to adapt one of my horror stories into real life is not a very good proposition. I sure hope Mr. Buffett doesn't invest in pet burial grounds or Colorado hotels next," King quipped.
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The Valley Report